Blue Shell

I woke up today and felt… off.

Energy depleted. Motivation gone. I stayed in bed until 1:00pm, got up only to eat brunch my husband prepared, and then promptly crawled back into my dark bedroom for the next few hours.

I couldn’t figure it out. Why was I feeling this way? When I went to bed last night I felt fine, so what changed overnight? The sour mood only grew as the day went on. My husband wanted to go biking, so, as an attempt to escape my mood, I suggested we both go biking at our favorite lake nearby. It has a 6 (or 8?) mile loop around it, with gorgeous views. It would be just what I needed.

I regretted it at once.

My bike is OLD, like from my middle school days. When we arrived, the brake had issues, but my husband solved that pretty quickly. As we began riding, my seat sunk lower and lower until my knees were practically in my armpits with each pedal.

Which made pedaling pretty difficult.
Which made my sour mood even worse.

Biking even the smallest incline felt like biking up a mountain. Sweat coated my brow. The heat was stifling. My knees were aching.

Finally, we stopped, just before the biggest hill. I told my husband there was no way I could do it. Like the smart man he is, he sensed something was wrong and was fine with going back the way we came instead of completing the loop.

But… somehow… that bothered me too. The way he was okay with turning around. The way he biked behind me, always present, always patient as I moved at 1 mph up the inclines.

If you haven’t gotten it by now: everything was bothering me. I was growing more and more frustrated until finally —

I lost my cool on one of the hills and yelled “Jesus!” The Lord must’ve heard me right then and there, because suddenly the right gear clicked into place and I was GONE. Up and down hills, wind in my hair, pedaling past fisherman and dog-walkers and children on scooters. I didn’t even turn to see if my husband was near me. I just wanted to go. Nothing else mattered.

After a few minutes, I was back to my slog, and therefore, back to my sour mood.

“Hey,” I heard my husband call from behind me. He pulled up beside me. “What happened back there? I heard a few clicks and then you were gone. You left me in the dust. It was like you got the blue shell in Mario Kart.”

And something cracked open in me when he said that. I burst out laughing. So much so, I had to pull off the path and get off my bike to laugh properly. It felt good. It felt like just what I needed.

I readjusted my seat and the rest of the ride was much more pleasant (even as my seat sank lower, it somehow didn’t bother me as much). The inclines on the path continued to be tough, but not agonizing, and we rode side by side, talking.

Honestly, I still don’t know what was up with me today. I have a few theories and know that it is probably a mixture of things, but that’s okay. All of this just makes me human.

Today was a good reminder to listen to yourself and what you’re feeling, but don’t get lost in it.
A good reminder to lean on those around you who know how to help you best.
And a very good reminder that laughter is so, so good for you.